Why are our relationships so bad? Are you relating to your wife or husband? Ask yourself, are you really relating to your husband? Your wife?
I would say that in today’s society, we are not relating to each other in the right way. You’re relating to an image of your wife or husband. Not who they actually are. If your partner doesn’t conform to this image, you end up getting upset. This is at the core of most problems in relationships. It is at the crux of tension and stress in our relationships.
There are 3 types of activity, according to Vedic thought:
Anga kaara vritti: this is an approach where you burn the forest to get a small lump of coal. You are insensitive to the trees, the birds and Nature. You are so caught up in consumerism that you care for nothing but the lump of coal. To get a passing moment of pleasure or to meet a momentary need, you are ready to burn the whole forest. Our modern life and consumerist mentality is like this. We are destroying the whole planet with this approach. Duryodhana was an example of anga kara vritti.
What happens if we approach our relationships this way? If we only take and take, and through that taking destroy everything around us, then is it not toxic? Many relationships are like this. People have forgotten to give. They only take.
Instead of that, a better strategy would be mala kaara vritti.
Mala kaara vritti: don’t destroy the trees. This is the more sustainable approach. Take the flower from the tree. Take as little as you can. And create a garland for yourself and for others. In other words, create something of beauty that can be shared with everyone and do the least damage that you can.
The highest type of activity is called madhu kaara vritti.
Madhu kaara vritti: take the minimum and give out the maximum. Like a bee takes a little bit of pollen and creates honey from it.
If you, as a spiritual trainee, use maa kaara and madhu kaara, then this will be evolved. Take the minimum and give out the maximum. In fact, this is how you should be in your life. Especially in your relationships. Take as little as possible and give back as much as you can. This is when your relationships will truly blossom.
Throughout the Gita, Krishna is telling Arjuna this: you may win this war, but if you do not develop your spirituality and learn to see things with maturity, then you will not be able to enjoy your victory. This is the state of human consciousness today. We are not able to rejoice the victories that life has given us. We don’t have that spiritual metabolism.
In his upcoming workshop, Principles of Healing and Growth Management, Swami Sukhabodhananda will provide simple tools for transformation and healing. Learn more.